Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
