She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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