How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
