don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think i peed on brittanys purse
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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