Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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