hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
