The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
