ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
