Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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