Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
