I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
