glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
