i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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