dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
