how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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