even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
