she woke up with a sticky ear
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
