My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
