Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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