Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
