yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
