can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
