so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
