Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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