No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
