Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
