my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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