saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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