How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
