I saw his package. It spoke to me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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