i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
