I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
