This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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