Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
