Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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