Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
