I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
