butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
