She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
