Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
