Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
