Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Holy shit dude........stairs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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