life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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