I got chris browned last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And then he peed in my hair
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
