What did we do last night that was yellow?
the day after is always just damage control
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
