my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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