I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
