we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i think i have two assholes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
