I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
