Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
