Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am midnight drunk by noon
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
