I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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