so that wasnt chicken after all
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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