This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
