Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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