I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
