Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
