would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
