you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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