the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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