Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
