i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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