I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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