Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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