We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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