covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
