stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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