This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
