ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize