That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
