O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
