I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
