so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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