Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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